Your partner is standing right in front of you, but you feel like they're not even in the same room as you.
Instead, they feel like they're miles and miles away. You may be able to see them, but you fear you wouldn't be able to touch them if you were to reach out.
Even though they're physically present, it's hard not to notice the emotional distance that seems to be separating you.
You know how important communication is, especially in a relationship, but you're having a hard time staying calm, not placing blame, and not feeling a little disappointed or resentful.
This is how to communicate with an emotionally distant partner without blaming them.
1. Listen
Communication isn't a one-way street. It involves getting a chance to say your piece but also listening to make sure you're understanding your partner's wishes as well. Make sure you're practicing active listening whenever they're talking to you. This means putting away any and all distractions. Turn off the television. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb. Look at your partner when they're talking to you, lean in, and engage. Try not to interrupt them. When they're done talking, ask any clarifying questions to make sure you're both on the same page. You both want to feel respected, heard, and validated when communicating with one another.
2. Be Mindful of Your Choice of Words
When communicating with an emotionally distant partner, it's important to be mindful of the words you choose to use. Try to use "I" statements instead of "you" when discussing your emotions and feelings. This is a great way for your partner to see where you're coming from instead of feeling like they have to go into defense mode.
3. Don't Play the Blame Game
While it may be easy to place the blame on a partner who is emotionally distant, placing blame on your partner won't help your communication in any way. In fact, it can actually make matters worse. It takes two people to make a relationship work. That means you and your partner have to work together. You shouldn't be fighting to win. Both of you need to come to a mutual resolution that benefits both parties.
4. Avoid Ultimatums
Another thing to avoid when communicating with your partner is giving ultimatums. Ultimatums may be necessary at times, but they can often cause more harm than good. Instead, try setting boundaries with one another. Boundaries help ensure that you and your partner know your wants, needs, and expectations for one another and your relationship.
5. Practice Patience
If you are getting frustrated with an emotionally distant partner, it's important to know that it won't change overnight. It took time for them to turn into an emotionally distant person, which means it will take longer than just a few days of practicing to unteach this type of behavior. Try being patient with them during this time. If they're working to make a change for you and your relationship, show your appreciation when they are making positive improvements. This will help them know their efforts aren't going unnoticed and their work is paying off.
6. Seek Additional Support
It is possible to communicate with an emotionally distant partner. You may just need a little extra love, attention, and support along the way. Working with an outside third party, like a mental health professional, can help provide you and your partner with a safe and secure environment to see one another's view from another perspective. If you're interested in individual therapy, couples therapy, or a combination of the two, we're here to help. Reach out to us today to set up an initial consultation.