An important aspect of any relationship is to feel safe, secure, and respected. Emotional validation is key to ensuring that relationships are healthy and happy and remain that way. This type of validation allows each partner to feel acknowledged, understood, and supported.
Learning to validate your partner is a great place to start if you want to increase your emotional quotient in your relationship. Here are four ways to get the ball rolling.
1. Listen to Them
Communication is key in any relationship. It's one of those skills that can constantly be improved upon since you use it every single day. Communication isn't just speaking your mind and opinion, though. Communication is a two-way street. It's important that both people in a conversation feel like they're being listened to and understood. Make sure you use active listening skills when your partner is speaking to you. This means turning off or putting away any and all distractions. This could mean turning off the television or putting your phone on silent. Lean in and give your partner your full and undivided attention. Try not to interrupt them. If you have any questions, wait for them to finish speaking and ask clarifying questions so they know that you were paying attention and that you're both on the same page.
2. Check In With Your Partner
Even if you've been dating for years or are living together or married, it's important to check in with your partner at any stage of your relationship. The check-ins should involve an open and honest conversation between the both of you about your wants, needs, and expectations. Use the check-ins as a safe place to talk about what's working in your relationship and what could be improved upon. You can also let your partner know how much you appreciate them. Tell them how you feel about them and that you see their efforts. Even the small things can add up to big results and make their day.
3. Don't Judge Them
Your relationship will have ups and downs. You and your partner will each go through good days and bad days. It's important to acknowledge this and allow one another to feel, no matter if the feelings are positive or negative. Neither one of you should judge the other person, no matter what. Committing to the relationship together means accepting one another at your best and at your worst. Plus, judging one another won't do you or your relationship any favors. In fact, it can lead to making matters worse in the long run. Make sure you allow a safe and secure space so that your partner knows they can come to you with anything.
4. Use "I" Statements
Another great and easy way to make sure your partner feels validated is to be mindful of your choice of words when speaking with them. This could be as simple as thinking before you speak. If you consciously try to be mindful of your word choices and tone of voice, you can help ensure that your communication remains open and honest. A simple switch in using "I" statements instead of "you" statements can help your partner see where you're coming from instead of feeling like they are being attacked.
Next Steps
If you're having a hard time showing your partner appreciation or making sure that their feelings are validated, an outside third party may be able to help provide a different perspective. Working with a licensed and trained mental health professional can help you and your partner work out any of your communication struggles, improve your communication skills, and help one another feel validated in a safe and secure environment. Reach out to us today to get started and learn more about couples therapy.