Whether you’ve been together for a year or for decades, at some point you may find yourself wondering if you need to seek couples counseling. Even though the term sometimes carries a negative connotation, it doesn’t have to mean that your relationship is doomed to fail. In fact, many couples report that counseling has made their relationships much stronger. Knowing when it’s time to reach out for help is a sign of health and a willingness to grow. And finding help earlier is better than waiting too long.
Once a couple has moved out of the initial stage of infatuation and newness, relationship challenges are inevitable. Here are some common reasons to find help.
Second Priority
Perhaps your in-laws’ opinions and schedules dictate too much of your life. Maybe your partner doesn’t stand up for you to them or others. It could be you feel your partner consistently has friendships that are too close with female or male coworkers. They spend more time going out to lunch and texting coworkers than they do with you. Even too much time with platonic friends can cause problems. Therapy can help sort out these issues.
Additionally, you may feel as though your partner’s job always takes precedence over your relationship and home. Or you may feel your career and dreams are belittled and downplayed by your partner. Over-involvement in community groups might be stretching yourself thin. While work and budget demands are real, finding a way to balance the two may require a counselor’s assistance.
If You Feel Like You’re Never Heard
Arguments in romantic relationships are common. When you spend lots of time together with another person, there are bound to be conflicts. But if you continually argue about the same topics without being able to find a resolution, seeking an outside perspective may be needed. Counselors can help you learn more effective ways to communicate with each other. They can help you find underlying causes of conflict that you may not be aware of. They also provide accountability as you learn to implement new approaches in your relationship.
Problems in the Bedroom
Sexual issues are often a reason to consider therapy. If you or your partner has lost all interest or consistently rejects advances, and this issue is causing distress, counseling is crucial. Of course, a thorough physical may also be called for. Depression, stress, hormones, and other factors may be at play. If those issues are ruled out, finding a safe place to discuss this sensitive topic is a good idea.
Financial Conflicts
It is often said that finances are one of the main sources of disagreement in marriage. This can partly stem from differences in family of origin attitudes about money. Perhaps one of you is a saver and the other a spender, or you just disagree about what to spend the money on. If you find that this topic comes up frequently in your relationship, guidance from a therapist can be helpful.
Parenting Conflicts
In addition to money, child-rearing is another hot topic for couples. Agreeing on how to discipline children is often problematic. One parent may think a child is just being a kid, while the other thinks the child is out of control. A parent may feel their child is struggling with ADHD or sensory issues, but the other disagrees, even after medical evaluations confirm suspicions. Women (or men) who stay home with the kids are often overwhelmed and exhausted and wish they had more support from their partner.
If these types of scenarios are causing arguments, you owe it to yourself and the kids to find better ways to approach parenting. Your kids are learning how to handle their own future relationships through your example.
Every situation is different, of course. Trust your instincts and have the courage to investigate counseling if you think it’s time. If your partner won’t go with you, you can start out by going on your own.
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Is your relationship experiencing these or other issues? Please contact me soon for more information about therapy for couples, if you need help. Together we can work through ideas and strategies for restoring connection and passion in your relationship. I look forward to hearing from you soon.