Few things are as contentious in American life as politics. Therapists and relationship researchers have found that the politics of the last four to five years have made this even more so. Sometimes couples are as deeply divided as the nation. In fact, this situation probably happens more often than you realize.
If you and your partner are in this situation, you can find a way toward common ground. You don’t have to let your political differences create havoc in your life together. They don’t have to dominate your conversations and interactions.
To make this happen, consider the following ideas.
1. Active Listening
As much as you may want to change your partner’s opinions, it’s important to admit that it’s probably not going to happen. If changing other people’s minds were easy, there wouldn’t be so much division!
However, you can learn to listen with the goal of truly understanding where they’re coming from. Active listening means that you let them discuss their thoughts without interrupting, judging, or mocking them. Instead, listen carefully. Reflect back on what you think you hear them saying.
2. Agree to Disagree
There comes a point in many relationships where you just know that you’re never going to see eye to eye on some topics. You’re only wasting time and energy if you continue to go round and round on these subjects.
Instead, you may have to set boundaries together and agree to not discuss those topics. It can be hard. But it will save you lots of frustration.
3. Avoid Antagonizing Each Other
Along this same line, it’s important to be mature about your differences. We often know exactly how to push our partner’s buttons. We know what will infuriate them and may bring these topics up even in the midst of an argument about a completely unrelated topic.
But intentionally antagonizing each other over your political differences will only harm your relationship. Try to learn to accept each other’s views as unique parts of their personalities.
4. What Goals Do You Share for Your Life?
Obviously, you and your partner share common goals and a love for each other, or you wouldn’t be together. It’s easy for this to get lost in the mix of everyday life and volatile topics, though.
Instead of fighting about politics, take time to revisit your goals. What do you want to do together in the next year? What do you want retirement to look like? What about family goals?
While it may sometimes feel like politics matters more, they shouldn’t.
5. Find a Common Cause to Work Toward
Instead of focusing on your differences, invest in working together toward a common cause. No matter your politics, there are people that need help with the basics of everyday life. These include women’s and children’s shelters, international aid, local charities, cancer organizations, and so much more.
When you work together toward a positive cause, you may find that you have much more in common than you don’t.
6. Have Fun Together
The last year or two have been tough for everyone. The pandemic, politics, and social issues have turned our world upside down. It’s easy to forget the layers of stress that pile up on our relationships as a result.
Make it a goal to laugh and have fun together as a way to move beyond the pain of the last year. You don’t have to forget about the serious issues happening in the country, but dwelling on them all the time doesn’t help. Draw upon each other a source of happiness and comfort. Because underneath, that’s what intimate relationships are about.
If your political disagreements continue to get in the way of your everyday lives, consider reaching out for couples counseling. Sometimes an outside perspective can provide helpful insight. I can help you evaluate and adjust your communication styles. Your political differences don’t have to rule your relationship.
I can help you recognize unproductive patterns in your communication and steer you toward healthier approaches toward the differences between you. I encourage you to read more about therapy for couples and reach out to my office for a consultation.