Do you feel like your life is a pattern of making sacrifices for your partner and getting nothing in return? Or do you need approval from your partner in order to feel validated or justified in the things you do?
If so, you could be in a codependent relationship.
Whether you’re the person who is making sacrifices or it's your partner who seems to only find a sense of purpose in how you feel about them, codependency can have a big impact on a couple.
Codependency exists when someone in a relationship isn’t self-sufficient. They only look to their partner to find fulfillment.
So, how can you tell if codependency is affecting your relationship? Consider four signs.
1. You Can’t Find Satisfaction Elsewhere
If you’re codependent, it may be difficult for you to find satisfaction anywhere outside of your relationship, or around any other people. This can severely impact your life. It can make things as simple as going to work or having coffee with a friend seem impossible because you’re constantly dealing with anxiety.
Conversely, if you have a partner who seems to only be happy or content when they’re around you, that can also create a lot of pressure. It’s easy to feel guilty if you can’t be there for them 24/7.
2. You Stay No Matter What
People who are codependent tend to stay with their partners, no matter what. That can be dangerous if you’re in a relationship with someone who has unhealthy behaviors. Codependency often makes it easy to get walked all over in a relationship.
On the other hand, if you’re in a relationship with a codependent person, you might feel obligated to stay because that person needs you so much. Unfortunately, that can cause a lot of stress and even damage to your emotional well-being.
3. You Support Your Partner Before Yourself
Relationships are about give and take and supporting each other. But if your own mental health is suffering because you’re just focused on your partner, it’s a problem. It could easily lead to issues like anxiety or depression.
And, in turn, if it is your partner has mental and emotional needs due to their codependency, you might find yourself taking care of them before you look at your own mental and emotional needs.
4. You Hear About It From Others
If you’re too dependent on your partner, one of the biggest indicators can be the other people in your life. Has someone ever told you you’re codependent? Have you been told you rely too much on your partner for happiness?
Or, on the other hand, has someone ever told you that your partner seems too clingy or dependent on you for happiness? Take these observations from the outside seriously. Sometimes, it can be hard to see you’re in a codependent relationship if it’s what you’ve been used to for a long time. Getting another opinion can be helpful.
Repairing a Codependent Relationship
Being in a codependent relationship can be exhausting for both people involved. Sometimes, ending the relationship is the best thing to do, but that isn’t always the case.
If you’re committed to your relationship and really want to fix it, you both need to learn how to set boundaries. It’s important to be able to find contentment and satisfaction individually, not just because of another person.
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If you or your partner is having trouble breaking the cycle of codependency, you don’t have to do it alone. Please feel free to contact me.
Together, we can work on different ways of setting relationship goals and different resources you can use to really discover where the codependency in your relationship comes from. When you know more about the possible underlying causes, it can be easier to take the first step toward more independence in your life. Learn more about Codependency Therapy.