You’ve probably heard that communication is one of the biggest keys to a successful relationship. And that's very true.
Unfortunately, we all communicate differently. But even people with similar communication styles can have difficulties truly expressing their needs to their partners.
Thus, you can’t expect your partner to know all of your needs if there is a breakdown in communication or vice versa.
So, what can you do if you’re having communication issues? How can you address your own needs and, at the same time, make sure you’re also listening to what your partner needs?
Communicate at the Right Times
One major problem many couples face is trying to communicate their needs at the wrong time.
The worst possible time to tell your partner what you really need from your relationship is during an argument. Tensions are high, and you might say something you don’t really mean. Plus, your partner may not fully understand you.
Another misstep in timing for communication is if you try to have a serious conversation when one of you is in a hurry or you’re distracted somehow.
Instead, pick a time where you both are calm and can focus on each other. Get rid of distractions, put your phones away, and give each other the attention and respect you deserve. Not only will this make it easier to communicate, but it can also help to increase your intimacy.
Moreover, it's important to talk face-to-face whenever possible. Though text messages can sometimes be easier, especially if you both have busy schedules, they aren’t effective for fostering healthy communication. Texts can be misconstrued or taken out of context.
However, when you’re talking in front of someone in their presence, they can read your body language and your tone as well as what you have to say.
Be Open and Honest
If something has been weighing on your mind, you may have avoided telling your partner about it. But it’s important to be as honest as possible in a relationship. Even if you’re scared, ashamed, or feel guilty, being open will help to strengthen your communication skills as a couple.
When you do keep something from your partner, no matter how small, it’s likely to eventually come out over time. And if your partner finds out before you have a chance to tell them, they might feel betrayed, hurt, and distrusting.
Don’t Attack!
If you feel like something is missing in your relationship or there have been problems, don’t place all the blame on your partner. When you start your conversation with something like “You always do this” or “You never do that,” your partner can easily start to feel attacked.
That will only cause them to become defensive. And it’s more likely that your conversation will turn into an argument.
Instead, focus on “I” statements. Let them know how you’re feeling or if you’ve been noticing some problems in your relationship. When you come from a place of respect and you’re willing to share your feelings, your partner is more likely to listen.
Communicate Through Couples Counseling
If you feel as though your relationship is suffering from certain communication issues, you’re not alone. Many relationships go through these problems. But don't lose hope. It doesn’t mean your relationship is in serious trouble.
Couples counseling could be a great option for you and your partner. It’s a neutral setting that can be a safe place for both of you to express how you feel.
Through counseling, you can learn how to effectively communicate with one another. This will not only help you right now, but it will give you the tools and skills needed to communicate in a healthy way for the rest of your lives.
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If you would like to improve your communication skills as a couple and learn how to express your needs, please contact me for more information about couples therapy.