Roommates are fine. Roommates are polite. And admittedly, they are a nice, basic way to secure a bit of companionship and split the household chores. But roommates don’t really miss each other when they don’t connect. In fact, they may only expect minimal interaction for days or weeks at a time.
Couples looking for more will do well to note that roommates and romantic partners are not the same things.
So, if you and your partner seem to be drifting toward an indifferent, detached, sexless roommate relationship, it’s time to take action. Consider these 7 romance boosting ideas:
1. Talk Things Through
To fix a problem with your partner requires communication and willing participation. Share your concerns about the rut you’re in. Gently and honestly discuss your wants and needs regarding connection and passion in your life together. Compassionately listen to each other’s perspectives and pay attention to key points of agreement and difference of opinion.
Use your discussions as fresh places to begin infusing more romance and deeper connection into your everyday lives.
2. Master the Art of Quick Connection
We’re all busy. We all have responsibilities and a host of “have to’s” on a long list of to-do’s that we feel can’t be set aside. Okay. But do recognize that romance curdles on the backburner.
Choose to engage and intersect instead. Romance blooms when partners find ways to brush against each other, steal kisses, and send lunchtime love notes via text.
While you must definitely prioritize solid blocks of planned time together for conversation and intimacy, don’t forget the quick, steamy glances, giggles over inside jokes, and brief interludes before work that solidify your romantic status and keep roommate indifference at bay.
3. Make A Point of Being Curious
How mysterious is your partner? What don’t you know about them?
If you’re sure you have a handle on who they are and what they want, you may be missing out on the joy of love and life together.
Roommates come and go never engaging, busy in their own worlds, uninterested in the details of each other’s lives. Happy, fulfilled relationship don’t operate that way.
Silence or (gasp!) power down your tech. Study your partner. Get present, get curious, listen closely and learn your lover all over again. You’ll be surprised how much you don’t know.
And how much romance springs from each interaction.
4. Resolve Old Wounds to Effectively Reconnect
Relationship problems, conflict, and hurt feelings happen in long-term relationships. Sometimes we mentally or emotionally retreat from each other instead of resolving nagging issues. The ensuing distance creates the walls for roommate living not the open doors and hearts necessary for life as lovers and friends.
Decide to talk about the silence, distance, or other “walls” between you. Share how much you miss being completely open. Soon, you may find closeness and intimacy are much more forthcoming.
5. Schedule Sex, Embrace Intimacy
If you haven't made time to be intimate, it's time to start valuing that aspect of your connection. Have you practicality and passivity before passion? It may take time to reestablish a high degree of sexual comfort.
But don't give up! Sex and touch are vital for stoking and perpetuating romance. Until you get in synch, simply plan for intimacy and be patient with each other. Be sure to prize that time together and make an ongoing effort to please each other.
6. Acknowledge and Appreciate
You have a loving relationship and a mate worth praising.
Don’t take either for granted. Warm, sincere compliments and expressions of gratitude matter in a long-term union. They will definitely help stoke the fires that fuel intimacy and affection.
Undoubtedly, any sense that you are roommates can be dispelled by a regular commentary about how much you delight in each other and how thankful you feel to be together.
7. Seek Solid Support
If your fiery connection has fizzled to fondness and you are still not confident you can make your way back, consider couples counseling sessions. With a willing commitment to change and communication, your life as roommates can start to fade and romance can re-ignite.
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Please contact me soon for more information about couples therapy, if you need help. Together we can work through ideas and strategies for restoring connection and passion in your relationship. I look forward to hearing from you soon.