The idea of self-care has become a very popular one in recent years. Moms, especially, tend to be encouraged to practice self-care as a way to manage the multiple demands they face from parenting, work, chores, and so much more. But the phrase extends beyond those who are mothers to others as well. Truth be told, though, the concept of self-care tends to be directed more toward women than men. And, it’s often used as a marketing jingle to sell any manner of items: supplements, beauty products, cozy home goods, massages, gym memberships, manicures. You get the idea.
But what exactly is self-care? Is it merely something to engage in for our physical bodies and tired muscles? And can it apply to men as well, and not just women?
True Self-Care
When you cut through all of the pop-lingo about self-care, you can identify what self-care really is.
At its essence, self-care is choosing to do those things that will help maintain your health and balance across all aspects of life. This includes your physical, emotional, cognitive, and social needs. It’s not about buying anything! Rather, it’s about maintaining your own well-being. And it applies equally to men and women.
Modern Life
It’s easy to see how the realities of modern life create many barriers that prevent you from addressing your need for self-care. Too many commitments, stressful careers, commute time, financial responsibilities—it all adds up. But without a conscious effort to plan time for self-care, these factors will pile up and lead to anxiety, depression, chronic stress, and other health issues.
Listen to Your Body
Often, the first place to start when practicing self-care is to listen to your body. People so often never even learn to listen to what their body is telling them. But, if you do start to pay attention, you’ll find out that it’s telling you a lot.
Where do you carry stress? Are your shoulders and jaws always tight? Do you have stomachaches and fatigue?
Clues like these can be a sign that you want to consider physical acts of self-care. Try to eliminate whatever stress you can. Start with little things like turning off electronics. Take five minutes to stretch before bed. Or buy a massage ball to use on your feet and back. Implementing good sleep practices and nourishing food is also key, as is a physical activity that you enjoy.
Listen to Your Emotions
Just as with your physical body, you can easily ignore or tune out what you’re feeling. This is especially true when you’re under a barrage of stress and so busy that you barely have time to think. Set aside five minutes each day to sit quietly and check-in with yourself. What steps do you need to take to manage your emotional needs?
Your need for a positive attitude toward yourself is an important place to begin. Self-criticism and negativity come easily. But they are the opposite of emotional self-care. Instead, learn to give yourself grace and acceptance. Don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake. Replace hurtful attitudes with helpful ones.
Listen to Your Relationships
Self-care is also important in the realm of relationships. Everybody needs friends to connect with and lean on in times of stress. Cultivate closeness with others, friends, and family alike. It’s also good to recognize those people who have a negative effect on you. It’s okay to artfully and graciously limit your time with them. Likewise, by attending to your own self-care needs, you will likely find yourself able to give more to those around you.
With time, as you take baby steps, you’ll start to recognize and identify those activities that are necessary for your own self-care. As you put them into practice, you’ll find yourself better able to withstand stress and enjoy your life.
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If the concept of self-care seems formidable to you, reaching out to a therapist may be a good next step. Anxiety, depression, and codependency issues can cloud your self-perception and make it hard to know where to begin with self-care. Please contact me to find out more.