Everyone, it seems, would love some time to slow down and appreciate life. It could be via research or surveys or just casual conversation, but more and more people are talking about living in the moment. Conversely, our smartphone culture has left us increasingly distracted and stressed out. This reality is not healthy for our minds or our relationships on a perpetual basis.
If only there was a proven method to help us enjoy experiences as they take place. Well…there just so happens to be an ancient practice that’s become quite helpful in our modern Western world.
We’ve come to know it as mindfulness.
What Does It Mean to Be Mindful?
In Western culture, there is much adoration for traits and skills like vision and multi-tasking. This can leave us focused far more on the future than the present, far more on productivity than experience. Toss in the alluring pull of our ever-present devices and we seem to be everywhere at once — everywhere except the present moment, that is. This not only impacts our life but also, the lives of those closest to us.
Think of mindfulness as a gentle reminder to focus on what is unfolding right here and right now. A mindful person, as they go through their daily life, is aware of what they are:
Feeling
Seeing
Hearing
Experiencing
Imagine how valuable this could be for our relationships. Rather than dwelling on past issues or fretting about future worries, we can be fully present with our partner in the only time we truly have: now.
5 Ways Mindfulness Improves Our Relationships:
1. Attention
The poet Mary Oliver once wrote: “To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.” This means we are present with our partner. In that space, you can connect, empathize, and share in the moment. Accept no substitute for regular, direct, face-to-face communication.
2. Patience
By slowing us down, mindfulness reminds us to be patient. Just think how many relationship issues are prevented when we are patient with each other. In the present moment, you and your partner have all the time you need to stay bonded in a healthy manner.
3. Listening
Active, healthy, respectful listening requires us to NOT focus on
Regretting the past
Fearing the future
Feeling distracted by a device
That’s a tall order but your relationships need this kind of attention. The bridge from where you are now to where you want to be just might be mindfulness.
4. Self-Awareness/Self-Control
How many times have you acted out in emotion before you even realized you were doing so? Relationships involve conflict but it’s essential to handle these rough patches with mutual respect. In the here and now, you are in touch with your feelings. This state makes it much, much easier to preempt counterproductive emotional outbursts.
5. Empathy and Compassion
Studies have found that practicing mindfulness changes the part of your brain that is associated with compassion and empathy. Fueled by these two attributes, you can:
Better relate to what your partner is going through
Express the love and attention they need
This is a recipe for deeper intimacy and ongoing conflict resolution.
How Can You Learn to Embrace Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is a skill. Like any skill, it is best learned with some instruction and lots of practice. Sure, there are countless meditation apps to choose from but what about being present with another during this process? Committing to regular therapy sessions puts you in a unique position to up your mindfulness game. In counseling, you work to identify how your choices impact your outcomes. To combine this crucial work with learning a productive skill will empower you to become more present and joyful in your life and in your relationships.
Read more about spiritual counseling and how exploring mindfulness with a therapist can enrich your life.