As a whole, we don’t like to live with uncertainty. It might be fun for small things, like wondering what surprises we might get for a birthday. But chances are, we had a have a hard time tolerating uncertainty about other things, starting in childhood. From awaiting school exam results to medical labs, to find out the gender of our child—uncertainty can leave us sleepless and biting our nails.
So when the entire nation and much of the world is going through a prolonged stretch of uncertainty due to a pandemic, it’s easy to see how that anxious, undefined state becomes very hard to endure. Many aspects of our lives are affected, including our mental health.
Here are a few things to keep in mind during this time.
Acknowledge the Reality of the Situation
Anticipatory Grief
The reality is that we are living with what is called anticipatory grief and its sibling, ambiguous grief. Anticipatory grief isn’t spoken about much, but it’s the state of living in anticipation of loss. It’s often experienced by those with loved ones with dementia or a terminal diagnosis. Many of us now live with it as we worry about losing family and friends to the virus. We worry about the elderly and immuno-compromised we know.
Ambiguous Grief
Ambiguous grief is similar, but it is an even greater place of unknown. We know we’ve lost something, but we can’t really find closure. We’re mourning the loss of life as we knew it, and all the little things that filled our lives with completeness and joy. Everything has changed; we don’t know when, if ever, life will resemble what it once did. It’s a place of being in-between, and it’s not easy.
Navigating the Uncertainty
Even during this topsy-turvy time, there are steps we can take to help ourselves.
Express Your Feelings
Many of us don’t take the time to acknowledge or even pay attention to what we’re really feeling. Sometimes this is a survival technique, a way that we think we can avoid emotional pain. But, it doesn’t really work. Write down what you’ve felt surrounding the pandemic, or find someone to talk about with it. This is also something you can do with a therapist.
Little Things
It really is true that it can be the littlest things that bring the most joy. Find ways to bring nibbles of joy into your life. This includes self-care. Step outside in the morning to greet the sun. Stretch; walk outside in the evening. Have a tickle fight with your children. Watch a comedy. Recall favorite experiences.
Connect
We need each other. Even during isolation and quarantine, it’s vital to find a way to connect with others. Text, video chat, call, send letters, zoom discussions—do whatever you can. If you feel like you need additional help, counselors (myself included) are offering teletherapy.
This also includes finding a way to help other people. Giving back helps us as much as it helps them. Do what you can with what your health, time, and finances permit. Maybe you can offer to drop off groceries for a friend in quarantine or volunteer at a drive-through food pantry. Chances are good that youth organizations need extra help right now with schools closed for distance-learning. Whether big or small, you’ll be glad you chipped in.
Find Meaning
Grief experts have slowly come to understand that those who best navigate loss are eventually able to create meaning from their experiences. Even the hardest losses can teach us and push us to grow. Continue to process this prolonged time of uncertainty and the ambiguous losses you’re experiencing. Don’t give up, don’t ignore what you’re going through, and don’t lose touch.
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If your distress about the pandemic has become overwhelming, please reach out to my office to learn more about counseling and how to live fully and freely.
Click here for more information on Spiritual Counseling.