If you’ve ever felt like it’s impossible to separate who you really are from the noisy chatter in your head, you’re not alone. For better or worse, most of us live with an interior soundtrack that likes to tell us all kinds of things. It’s kind of like a nosy, advice-giving neighbor or relative critiquing our every decision and action. Some people call this voice the inner critic.
You may feel trapped by what this voice tells you. You may even think you are this voice that sows self-doubt and unhappiness within yourself.
But who you really are is not this voice.
Thoughts Are Just Thoughts
One of the first steps to separating out what this voice tells you from who you really are lies in learning that thoughts are just thoughts. Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true. But acknowledging this fact and learning to let thoughts pass through your head without sticking isn’t always intuitive.
Some people find it helpful to employ mindfulness practices at this step. Start by setting aside even a short amount of time, perhaps 5-10 minutes, to sit quietly with yourself. Begin by focusing on the physical sensations around you: soft chair, birds outside, your own breathing. This will help pull you into the present.
Once you feel calm, pay attention to that voice. Practice letting thoughts slip by like a stream running past you. Tell yourself that they don’t define you or control you. They are just thoughts.
Identify What May Be Skewing Your Self-Perception
As mentioned above, this inner critic may sound a lot like someone from your childhood or past. Maybe it knows your pain points and weaknesses well. Maybe it’s clinging to childhood experiences and doesn’t want to let you challenge it. There could be other circumstances, failures, or problems in your life that are feeding into this voice.
Try to identify these root causes. Learn to talk back to what the inner critic is telling you. Again, this can be painful. It’s not always easy to turn around patterns that have controlled you for years or decades. But it is possible.
When you have a negative thought, examine it and challenge it with a positive one. Pick it apart. Recognize that you can choose to affirm the good in your life rather than what’s not good. After all, you’re already affirming something. So direct that energy to build yourself up and replace old lies with new truths.
Be Open to Growth
You can probably tell by now that the inner critic, or voice in your head, likes to play it safe. It may be trying to protect you from experiencing more emotional pain or disappointment. But if you allow this voice to keep you tethered, you’re missing out on emotional growth.
Think of how this voice prevents you from taking risks or pursuing new interests. And when you don’t talk back to the voice, you’re letting it have even more control over you. This can lead to a lifetime of anxiety, depression, regret, and opportunities that you missed because you let the voice talk you out of trying something new.
As you practice these steps—believing that thoughts are just thoughts and talking back to the voice in your head—you will slowly break its hold on you. As you look for the positive in your life, you will find it, because it is already there. Remember, you are not your inner critic.
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If you continue to struggle with breaking free from it or knowing how to begin, please consider spiritual counseling as an important part of the process. It truly is possible to sort out your thoughts from who you really are. Call or email my office to learn more.