Communication is a difficult part of human life. It can be uncomfortable, frustrating and awkward. But communication is an essential part of life, and efficient communication is even more essential. Below are 5 tips for assertive communication.
1. Listen First
The biggest mistake in communication in this day and age is that everyone wants to be heard. We don’t really listen to what someone is saying because we’re too busy thinking about what we want to say ourselves. That isn’t effective, nor is it even fair. We need to change that mindset when talking with someone to have an effective conversation. A step to take in doing that is listening first. Allowing that person to be heard. Validating that person’s feelings. Intently listening and understanding the words being said is the most important step in respectful communication.
2. Use “I” Statements
No one wants to be in a conversation where they’re being blamed for everything. Placing blame and responsibility on yourself first will allow the other person a chance to do the same. This is where common ground can be found. Instead of directing your anger and frustration upon someone else, take responsibility for why that might be happening instead. The other party will be more likely to feel humble enough to take up their own responsibility too. This is where compromise and resolving of an issue will start.
3. Keep Your Emotions in Check
Another concept to keep in mind when conversing with someone is keeping your emotions in check. An outburst of emotion can make things more complicated. Staying calm and collected when conversing is a really effective way to create direct and respectful communication. Staying civil will get you a lot further than breaking into a yelling spat. That’s just not good for anyone.
4. Don’t Beat Around the Bush
Don’t sugar coat how you’re feeling. If there’s a problem, just talk about it. If you’re not direct in your communication, you’re not going to feel completely satisfied with the conversation. It can be awkward, but it’s so much better for all parties involved. If you’re going to have an effective conversation, you have to explain how you you’re really feeling. Being direct will allow you to be heard, and will allow for a higher chance of change. If we’re not direct, it results in confusion and vague expectations when going forward. Be direct. Be civil, but be direct.
5. Be Open to Further Discussion
Sometimes, putting a pause on the conversation is for the better. It’s okay to take a break from the conversation. Being open to further discussion and resolution is a great step in respectful communication. If you feel that you’re not getting anywhere, take a breath. Not everything has to be figured out in a rush. Being able to take some time to think about how to approach the conversation again will keep the situation continue to feel more mature and respectful. Don’t back down from the problem; don’t run away. Come back and repeat all the steps to come to a conclusion.
Direct and assertive conversation is not often an easy task. That’s okay. Do your best in practicing these communication steps. Being assertive is being civil, mature, and respectful. If you can effectively get your message across while approaching a conversation, just like that, you’re winning some serious conversation brownie points. For more tools or a place to share, please read more about couples counseling and reach out soon for a consultation.