Your relationship means a lot to you, so much so you naturally want to show up as the best version of yourself.
While first dates are known for this, you may have continued to feel this pressure to show up as the perfect partner for yourself, your partner, and your relationship for weeks, months, or years. And you also expect the same from your partner.
While it's important to show that you care and commit to your partner and your relationship, this added pressure for perfectionism isn't good for anyone.
Here are some steps you can take to let go of being the perfect partner and help your partner feel validated.
Acknowledge Your Partner's Feelings
Even though you and your partner are in a relationship, you are two unique individuals. This means that your wants, needs, views, values, and beliefs won't always align with one another. And you know what? That's perfectly normal and okay. What matters most is being able to put those differences aside, and understand where the other person is coming from. Instead of constantly trying to fix things, let your partner know that you hear them and are there for them no matter what.
Actively Listen
When speaking to your partner, make sure you're mindful of your body language and tone of voice. Actively listening means that you're fully engaged with your partner when they're talking to you. This means turning off or putting away any distractions like your cell phone, computer, or television. You should lean in and give eye contact to show that you're fully present in the conversation. Don't interrupt them. Instead, when they're done speaking, ask clarifying questions to be sure that you understood them correctly.
Be Open and Honest
When you're in a relationship, there should be no secrets. It's always better to be open and honest with one another than hide how you're really feeling. Regular conversations need to happen with your partner to make sure that you're on the same page and that both of your wants and needs are being met. Having open and honest communication means that you understand and validate one another no matter what.
Use "I" Statements
When it's your turn to speak, make sure that you're also being mindful of the words and phrases that you're choosing to you. "You" statements can place blame and make your partner feel like they have to go into defense mode. To change this, try to focus on things from your perspective to show your partner how you feel in certain situations or interactions with them.
Check In With One Another
Relationships require constant communication and checking in with one another. Even if you live together or spend a lot of time with one another, it's still important to check in and show your partner that you care. You can text or call them randomly during the day to see how their day is going or ask if they need anything on your way home from work. You can also show them appreciation during the day by complimenting them on housework, their outfit, or a project they completed.
Attend Therapy
Going to couples counseling doesn't mean that your relationship is over. It often gets a bad reputation because some couples attend counseling or therapy before getting a divorce. This isn't always the case though. Couples counseling can be a great way to rework and restart your relationship again. Sometimes your relationship needs an outside third party's fresh perspective. This is where a therapist comes in. If you or your partner are interested in individual therapy, couples therapy, or a combination of the two, reach out today to learn more about how we can help.