When you were in school, you would study to make sure you knew the material before going into a test. When you wanted to get better at a skill like playing an instrument, public speaking, or playing a sport, you would practice. If you were unsure about a certain topic, you would take the time to research, ask questions, and educate yourself.
Just because you may not be in school anymore doesn't mean that learning stops. Even as an adult, you're constantly learning new things. There can be certain areas of your life that you never really learned how to deal with in school.
One of these areas could be your approach to relationships. Codependency is probably not a term that you're as familiar with because it wasn't something that was addressed in school or may not even have been talked about in your home life.
Codependency is a behavioral condition that can occur in any type of relationship - between family members, friends, colleagues, and romantic partners. It's known as relationship addiction. In codependent relationships, there is usually an imbalance between partners where one partner will feel the need to sacrifice their own wants in needs in order to appease the other partner.
Interested in learning more or trying to navigate through your own codependency issues? These are some of the best books to read about codependency.
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
This book by Melody Beattie encourages readers to break free from their codependent habits. It's a straightforward approach to becoming less codependent and doing just as the title suggests: stop letting others control you and start caring for yourself again.
If you're interested in exploring codependency further, Beattie also offers the Codependent No More Workbook. This book includes prompts for guided journaling, exercises, and tests. It's a great way to apply the lessons you learned in her book to dive deeper into creating healthy boundaries with yourself and your loved ones while also working to break away from those unhealthy behaviors and thought patterns you may be familiar with.
The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle
Author Krystal Mazzola breaks down The Codependency Recovery Plan by offering an easy-to-follow 5-step guide on gaining independence and improving one's overall mental health and wellness. This book acts as a guide to help readers gain a healthier perspective, communicate more effectively, work on setting boundaries, and improve their self-esteem.
Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives
A lot of codependency issues start in childhood due to a traumatic experience or a dysfunctional family dynamic. Pia Mellody works on adverse childhood experiences making her book a great option for people who had difficult childhoods. Mellody outlines how to identify relationships that may lean towards being codependent. She walks through common signs and symptoms that adults can experience as well as where they may stem from. She also outlines how to identify those negative thought patterns and behaviors and how to break free and move forward in your life again.
You're Not Crazy–You're Codependent
This book is aimed at creating your ideal life. Jeanette Elisabeth Menter suggests that codependency could be impacting you or a loved one if either of you has experienced abuse, addiction, trauma, or toxic shaming. Menter helps to provide useful methods and information on working through codependence to reduce feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, and perfectionism.
Additional Resources
Books are a great place to start the learning process. Therapy is another great way to dive deeper into codependency issues. A therapist can work with you to help you identify the root cause of these unhealthy relationship patterns. Reach out today to schedule a session and learn more about codependency therapy.