Past interactions and events help shape and mold you into the person you are today. The good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your childhood stay with you all the way through adulthood.
The truth is that when children experience inconsistencies and disruptions in their wants, needs, and social and emotional connections, it can impact them later in life. The interactions we experience when we're young can have lifelong impacts on how we build, form, and maintain relationships later in life.
Even though you didn't have full control of the events and experiences that took place when you were a child, your adult relationships can be affected by unmet childhood needs. Let's find out how.
Attachment Style
Attachment styles are used to describe the type of relationship and connection that a person has with their primary caregiver. The interactions and experiences that take place between a child and their primary caregiver can later impact that person's adult relationships. If a child experiences consistent care from their primary caregiver, they are likely to form a secure attachment style. When a child experiences inconsistency or neglect throughout their childhood, they're likely to develop an insecure attachment style. Insecure attachment styles can cause issues managing one's emotions, difficulty trusting others, and fear of abandonment. Bringing these traits into a relationship can create more challenges in building a healthy relationship dynamic.
Communication
Communication is key in any type of relationship. Unfortunately, unmet childhood needs can lead to unhealthy communication patterns. When children grow up in an environment where they aren't taught how to manage their emotions or conflict, they can grow into adults who have difficulty expressing their feelings, being vulnerable, or being too defensive. This lack of communication can create barriers in their future relationships that can make it even more challenging for partners to connect with them on a deeper level.
Codependency
Codependency tendencies can also form when childhood needs are unmet. When a child's wants and needs aren't being met, they have to rely on themselves. When they become adults, they may realize that they're able to depend on someone else for the first time in their life. Since they don't have a reference point on how to rely on someone else, they can easily become overly dependent to the point where they put their self-worth, emotional well-being, and validation into their partner. Codependency can cause a person to lose themselves in their relationships. Individuals who struggle with codependency often struggle to have healthy relationships, independence, and boundaries.
Intimacy
When childhood needs are unmet or a person is dealing with unresolved past traumas like abuse, abandonment, or neglect, it can make it more challenging as an adult to build deeper emotional connections and be intimate with someone else. These past events and experiences can cause a person to feel like they have to distance themselves to protect themselves from getting hurt again.
Next Steps
Whether you're single or in a relationship, attending individual or couples counseling can help you and your partner or future partner manage issues resulting from unmet childhood needs. Couples therapy can help you identify any potential triggers or patterns that may be affecting you and your relationships negatively. You can work to acknowledge and explore situations that may have contributed to how you're engaging in relationships. Over time, you'll address those emotional wounds, build better communication skills, and work towards a healthier attachment style. You may not have been able to control past events and experiences, but you're in full control of your future. Reach out today to learn more about how working with a mental health professional can help to improve your relationships moving forward.