When you're in a relationship, you want to do anything you can to make sure your partner is happy. This is an admirable trait. It may even seem like a positive one. Ensuring that your partner is happy can be a healthy quality, but only when done in moderation.
It's extremely important to find a balance with the relationships in your life. Some people with people-pleasing tendencies can take this to the extreme and start to dismiss their own wants and needs to appease their partner.
Let's learn more about how people-pleasing can affect your romantic relationships.
The Honeymoon Phase
You've probably heard that new relationships tend to start in the honeymoon phase. This is the time when a relationship is fresh, and each partner is putting their best self forward to try to get to know or impress one another. This honeymoon phase is more difficult to shake for people-pleasers. People-pleasers are more likely to create an environment or relationship based on always trying to satisfy their partner, even when they may not feel the best themselves. These actions and behaviors can lead to not being able to form a genuine bond or connection with the other person. Instead, your partner may be more dependent or reliant on you to always be there and take care of them.
Dismiss Your Own Wants and Needs
You can't expect to take care of someone else if your glass is completely empty. People-pleasers have a hard time practicing self-care or setting boundaries because they're constantly putting the wants and needs of others above their own. While this may seem like an easy short-term solution, it can lead to blowing up in the future. People-pleasers may even find themselves developing signs and symptoms like anxiety as a result of always feeling like they have to make their partner happy. A lack of boundaries can also make a person feel stuck in their own head about their actions and behaviors.
You Lose Yourself
Since people-pleasers put their partner's needs above their own, over time they'll start to lose themselves. Their entire life will start to form around their partner and ensuring their happiness instead of putting themselves first. If the people-pleasing tendencies occur for long periods of time, that person may even start to question themselves, their life, and their own values and beliefs.
Assuming
People-pleasers tend to think that they know what's best for everyone else. This means that they're constantly assuming what their partner's wants and needs are. And you know what they say about assuming... Assuming means that you don't actually know what your partner wants and needs, you just think that you do. This means that over time, your partner may realize that you don't really know them and may even just be telling them things they want to hear instead of being open and honest with them.
Resentment
Since people-pleasers are constantly giving up their own wants and needs to fulfill their partner's, it can leave them feeling a little resentful about their partner not being on the same page or providing the same level of attention and care. When a people-pleaser becomes more aware of the imbalance within the relationship, resentment will start to grow and the relationship will suffer.
Next Steps
If you're think you have a habit of people-pleasing, you're not alone. Admitting that you need help is a great first step towards making your existing and new relationships healthier moving forward. If you're looking for additional support, we're here for you. Reach out today to learn more about how couples counseling can help you improve the relationships in your life.