No one actually enjoys fighting. That being said, you could argue that someone in the role of a politician or a lawyer likes a good debate. But most individuals don't get enjoyment out of fighting.
When you're involved in a relationship, you may even try avoiding tough conversations that could lead to an argument. But not all challenging conversations have to turn into a disagreement. Having conversations with your partner about the good as well as the bad can be a great way to build a deeper and stronger bond with one another.
This is how to ask for what you need in a relationship.
Identify Your Needs
Don't just dive right into a conversation with your partner about what you're looking for in your relationship. First, you should dig deep within yourself to determine what that looks like. Try to make a list of the areas of your relationship that are going well and another list of the areas that you'd like to improve. This list can help act as a guide for determining and outlining your true wants and needs so that you can better communicate them to your partner.
Pick a Time to Talk
When you're ready to chat with your partner, try setting time aside with them to have this conversation. You want to make sure that you and your partner can openly and honestly communicate with one another. This means that there should be minimal distractions. You also want to make sure you're both in the right mindset. Try to choose a day and a time when you and your partner will both be relaxed and can fully focus on the conversation at hand.
Use "I" Statements
Make sure you're being mindful of the words that you're choosing to use while you're communicating with your partner. Using "I" statements can go a lot further than using "You" statements. This simple swap in words can help keep your partner from feeling like they have to jump into defense mode. "I" statements help your partner see things from your point of view instead of feeling like they have to have their guard up and defend themselves for their actions and behaviors.
Practice Active Listening
While you may want to communicate your needs to your partner, it's just as important to practice active listening. Both you and your partner should have an opportunity to speak your mind. Make sure you give your partner just as much time to openly and honestly communicate their feelings as well as their own needs for the relationship. While they're speaking to you, make sure you're giving them your full and undivided attention, avoid interrupting them, and try to gain a better understanding of where they're coming from.
Don't Fight to Win
When you're in a relationship, you and your partner should work together. There shouldn't be winners or losers. You and your partner should work on solutions where both of you win. One partner shouldn't feel like they're constantly giving while the other person is taking and vice versa. Make sure you're working together and collaborating on solutions that are mutually beneficial to both of you.
Seek Additional Support
Communication is a skill that can constantly be improved upon. No matter if you and your partner are two peas in a pod or if you're having difficulty communicating with one another, couples therapy could be a good option for you. A therapist can help to provide a safe and secure space for you and your partner to talk through your different needs. Plus, a therapist can provide a fresh perspective into your relationship without picking sides as family or friends might do. Reach out today to learn more about how therapy can help you communicate your needs in a relationship.