A narcissist is defined as a person who always has a grandiose sense of self. They often have a sense of entitlement and expect to be admired by others despite lacking empathy for anyone else.
Since narcissists tend to only care about themselves and their own wants and needs, what does this mean for children who are raised by under narcissistic parents? Narcissistic parents tend to be extremely critical and controlling. They will continuously put their needs above their children's and may even manipulate, shame, or humiliate them as a way to obtain control. Children with narcissistic parents can struggle with their childhood and even later in life.
Here are 5 lasting effects of having a narcissistic parent.
1. Low Self-Esteem
Attachment is formed during childhood and describes the relationship between a child and their primary caregiver. A child who grows up with a narcissistic parent is more likely to form an insecure attachment style due to abuse, emotional instability, or neglect. This insecure attachment style can lead to other problems throughout their childhood and growing up. Low self-esteem is a common occurrence for individuals who form an insecure attachment style. Growing up with parents who are narcissists can impact a child's sense of confidence and overall self-esteem.
2. Self-Blaming
Children who were raised under narcissistic parents were often left feeling like they fell short of their parent's expectations. Since they were raised by narcissists, this means that their parents wouldn't let them forget whenever they made a mistake or didn't do something "right". These feelings of guilt and shame that they experienced in their childhood can lead to self-blaming tendencies in their adulthood. They'll place the blame on themselves, even in situations that are completely out of their control.
3. Codependent Relationships
When a person is raised in an unhealthy dynamic, they're more likely to form a similar relationship pattern moving forward since it's all they've ever known. Codependent habits or relationships are likely to be formed due to striving for that love and attention that they lacked while growing up.
4. Lack of Boundaries
Boundaries are already a tough ask for many people. Despite being a necessity for all types of healthy relationships, if boundaries are not formed earlier in life, it can be even more challenging to implement them later on. Children who were raised by narcissistic parents may have experienced their parents not respecting their boundaries or even making them feel bad for having boundaries in the first place. These types of interactions can make it harder for them to set, maintain, and enforce boundaries later in life.
5. Competitiveness
Children with narcissistic parents likely had to fight for the attention of their parents. Their care was likely to be inconsistent and their needs may have been unmet the majority of the time. They may have even spent most of their childhood fighting for the attention and love of their parents. This type of behavior can stay with a person, even into adulthood. This means that they'll show this same type of behavior or competitiveness within the relationships that they form with romantic partners, friends, and coworkers later in life.
Next Steps
You may not have been able to pick your parents growing up. You can't go back in time and change the past. But you can change your future. Learn more about how working with a mental health professional can help you get to the root of your past trauma from having narcissistic parents and find ways to move forward again. Reach out today to set up an initial consultation for codependency counseling.